Joshua M. Bernstein

Brooklyn-based and Ohio-bred, this freelance writer (check out his work in ReadyMade, Time Out New York and the New York Daily News) with dipsomaniacal tendencies hates road trips, though he once drove 6,000 miles to Alaska with Coslow—without a car radio. He knows nothing about car repair, but is great at cleaning windshields.

Andrew Coslow

This itinerant Tennessean (prone to wearing furs his girlfriend scavenges from roadkill) is a graphic designer and a whiz at growing a patchy beard, securing employment via nepotism and refusing to bathe for weeks. He knows nothing about car repair, though he once drove 500 speculum from San Francisco to the Pacific Northwest.

Mims Wright

Yes, that’s his real name. Yes, he does live in a converted nail salon in Brooklyn. And yes, Mims is a Web programmer and Flash developer with a knack for growing fanciful mustaches and serving his leftover meals to guests. He knows nothing about car repair, though he’s learning Russian, dammit, which is more than those two worthless schmucks are doing.